BLOODY HELL!
MY COMPUTER WORKS!

(it's been broken for weeks. and now it's come back fixed. with a working modem and everything.)

in other news:

"even though i'm at the front of the queue i'm still abu! i don't call myself mr. first [sticks hand in air] do i? so my name hasn't changed, just like job 5..." -- computing teacher, on explaining the concept of queues.

"you - are - just ... ... getting on my tits!" -- from our very own english teacher, who has no tits. um.

"i felt like an enormous contraceptive" -- some man on a tv programme. it's not often you hear of people being enormous contraceptives, you know.